Here are some of his best quotes from the night:
After arriving on stage: "Shut up. You disgusting, pill popping, sexual deviant scum. I want to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me. Snitch."
On the audience: "Relax. I'm going to try and be nice. You're global megastars with amazing talent, most of you, a few of just married well. You know who you are. We all do."
On Caitlyn Jenner, who was involved in a fatal car collision last year: "What a year she's had. She's become a role model for trans people everywhere showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn't do a lot for women drivers…"
On Jennifer Lawrence's wage gap essay: "She made news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood and she received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the streets with nurses and factory workers saying how the hell can a 25 year old live on £52million? There were plumbers around the world going, 'Poor girl.'
"Joking aside, of course woman should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I'd like to say now, I'm being paid exactly the same as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did last year. No, I know there were two of them, but it's not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That's their stupid fault. It's funny because it's true."
On NBC: "It's right that NBC should host this award show. They're the only network that's truly fair and impartial and that's because they're the only network with zero nominations. Nothing in it for 'em tonight. They don't care, obviously. [Points at himself]. They don't care."
On The Martian nomination: "The Hollywood Foreign Press deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it. And hence, Matt Damon is here tonight. So that worked a treat, didn't it? To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again, so was Schindler's List. It's just a film!"
On Matt Damon: "Our next presenter is the star of the hilarious comedy The Martian. He's the only person Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to."
On female movies: "All-female remakes are the big thing. There's a female remake of Ghostbusters. There's going to be a female remake of Ocean's 11. And this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don't have to spend too much money on the cast. Shut up, I don't care!"
On accepting an award: "Don't get emotional, it's embarrassing. That award is, no offence, worthless. It's a bit of metal some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you, okay? That's all it is!"
On his own Golden Globes: I've got three myself so I can say that. One is a doorstop, one I use to hit burglars with, and one I keep by my bed. I won it fair and square. It's just the right shape and size… To be clear: That was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes that I've won up my ass. And they asked me to host four times!"
On introducing Mel Gibson as a presenter: "A few years ago I made a joke about Mel Gibson getting abit drunk and saying a few unsavoury things. We have all done it. I wasn't judging him but now I find myself in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. Listen, I'm sure it's embarrassing for both of us. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames…we know who Mel blames.
"Listen, I still feel a bit bad for it. Mel's forgotten all about it apparently, that's what drinking does. I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I'd rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby."
(Mel got his own back by saying: "I love seeing Ricky every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy.")
On Eva Longoria and America Ferrera: "These are two people who your future president, Donald Trump, can't wait to deport."
On the audience: "One publication said me hosting would mean some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from a chance of winning a Golden Globe, particularly if their film company has already paid for it."
On Spotlight nomination: "The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it exposes that 5 per cent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it 'the best date movie ever.'"
On Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill: "The Golden Globes are about excellence and to win one you have to do something amazing. Neither of our first two presenters have won one. I don't know what they're doing here really, I don't choose the guests."