From the moment we enter this human world, other people's sex BS is piled on us.
If you sleep around, you're a s**g. And if you don't, you're frigid. Women, it seems, literally cannot win.
Sex myths like these are not only The Worst, they're also actually pretty damaging. Some are so deeply ingrained in us, that we're not even sure if they're truth or fiction. And worse, they only help to perpetuate ignorant and sexist ideas about gender and sexuality.
So, here are some of my worst offenders. Until these moronic misconceptions are debunked and gone forever, women (and men alike) will be subjected to crappy sex.
And that, dear pals, is something I simply cannot condone.
Period sex is gross
Ask any woman you know, and they're probably going to admit to feeling pretty bloomin' horny when they're on their period.
Unless you're experiencing womb-wrenching cramps and bonkers mood swings, chances are the excess hormones floating about in your body are making you think about doing the naked tango 24/7.
It's that pesky hormone progesterone. Often blamed for dampening your sex drive, this little bugger is at an all time low during menstruation. So it's totally normal to feel insanely aroused.
What irks me most is when a chap seems to think that me being on my period means he has a free pass to Blowjobsville. Oh riggggght, because I'm bleeding we can't have sex? No Sir that does not wash with me.
A) Period blood is exactly the same as the blood that flows around all of our bodies (plus a few little vaginal extras), so it doesn't make an ounce of sense that you're grossed out by it. And B) It happens to be a very good – and free – natural lubricant.
Some women find being on the blob makes everything a lot more sensitive; therefore their pleasure is heightened.
Yes, it can get messy. So if you're grimmed out by that, grow up or move your bonking elsewhere – like the shower. It's a change of scenery and you can clean up right there.
And if you're not into penetrative sex, the clitoris is still very much a "safe area" so don't just write females off for five days a month.
Sex makes women emotionally attached
To anyone who legitimately thinks this I say: "Are you really so arrogant that you think the moment we bed you, we're going to turn all gooey-eyed and "clingy?" Pfft.
Women are constantly criticised for being "emotional", like it's a negative trait we're all born with.
Granted, some women don't like to have sex unless it's with someone they're in a relationship with. But the same goes for men, so let's stop gendering emotional attachment right here right now.
Women don't watch porn
Last year, Marie Claire surveyed 3,000 women and found 90 per cent watched internet porn. And, one in three of them visited porn sites at least once a week.
I hate to break it to you but: Women. Do. Watch. Porn.
Many feel disillusioned with the porn industry that much is true. When you're bombarded with images of clean-shaven, incredibly hot women from such an early age, it does make it impossible not to compare yourself.
Not only that, but a lot of porn is focused on male pleasure. For some women, watching it gives them no gratification because their desires and needs are not being represented.
And then there's the darker side to pornography. Women who've experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse can find certain X-rated videos triggering.
With the emergence of projects like The Clit List, an online resource for anyone who wants to access empowering and non-misogynistic porn, women hopefully can start to explore their sexuality through porn in a safe environment.
Hairless is best
Try as sexist advertising might, we must not forget that body hair is natural. Hair removal products and images of smooth ladies are thrust upon us from childhood, so it's understandable that some people would never dream of rocking a bristly leg or vagina.
The consensus seems to be that a hairy muff is an unclean muff. A potentially scare-mongering recent study actually found women who groom their pubic hair are more susceptible to injury and STDs.
But what we need to remember here, is that as long as our choice to have a Brazilian or a full on 70s bush is exactly that, our choice, then it's all groovy.
At 27, I can hold my hands up and say I've never had a bikini wax. And I never intend to. The pain, the cost and the hassle… it's just not for me. And no one has ever refused to have sex with me because I don't have a neatly pruned nether-garden. Just sayin'.
So whether you're bald like an eagle or hairy as a wolf, your vagina is beautiful.
The longer sex lasts, the better
You know how some days you don't feel like making an entire meal from scratch so you just hurriedly slap together beans on toast and wolf it down? Sex is like that… kind of.
A quickie not only gets the job done, but is fun, enjoyable and just as pleasurable as an hour-long hump marathon.
It's no fun unless you come
Orgasms are amazing, brilliant freaks of nature don't get me wrong. But just because you don't come during sex, it doesn't mean you didn't have a fabulous time.
People can fixate on orgasms, thinking they are the Be All and End All of sex. Realistically, some women find it hard to reach orgasm, and those with anorgasmia cannot climax at all.
Some chaps I've been intimate with have beaten themselves up about not making me come. And despite trying to explain that it DOESN'T MATTER, some just don't get it.
We're really not lying when we say, sex can be great without a Big O.
Sex ends when a man ejaculates
I daren't even attempt to count the times a guy I've been banging has ejaculated and then the sex just… stops.
We do get it. You're not superhuman. You can't just will your knackered penis to get going again straight away, fine. As you (should) know, your peen isn't the only way to please us.
It can be pretty frustrating and anti-climatic when you lay all that fantastic sexual groundwork only to just give up when you blow your load.
More often than not, we're still aroused. So finish us off for goodness sake!
Condoms are a mood killer
If the person you're about to have sex with considers putting on a condom to be a "mood killer" then ditch them and run far, far away. They have no regard for safe sex or sexual health, and are therefore total nightmares.
It takes all of 60 seconds to open up and unravel a condom – a tiny price to pay for a lifetime of vaginal wellness.
Plus, times have changed. You might think johnnies are thick, clunky, sensation-robbing hell sheaths but actually there are some pretty snazzy ones out there.
Try Durex's Invisible Extra Thin condoms. I used these recently when on a break between contraceptives and they didn't kill my dirty mood one sordid bit.
Penetrative vaginal sex is all that matters
It really, really isn't.
You know, 70 per cent of women only achieve orgasm clitorally? That's because penetrative vaginal sex doesn't work for every single woman.
We are like fingerprints: beautiful, unique and no two of us the same.
So please spend some time getting to know what we like. And if you're hooking up with someone who can't reach orgasm through penetrative sex, or someone who just doesn't like it, do not neglect their other bits, for these are the gateway to heaven my friend.
Happy banging babes!
More Sex Blogs You Might Have Missed!
Jetting off and getting off: summer holiday tips
Charlie Sheen's the new face of Lelo Hex condoms and people aren't happy
Toys to enjoy with boys!
How to give perfect oral sex
It's international masturbation month!