I have a confession to make – I don't fancy Robert Pattinson. There, I said it.
The sight of that shaggy haired, checked shirt-wearing heartthrob with his trademark ironical smile just doesn't make me think naughty things.
I have another confession to make – Kristen Stewart really annoys me. There, I said it.
The sight of that tousle-haired, cocktail dress and Converse-wearing starlet with her trademark reluctant celebrity persona just doesn't make me think positive things.
Somehow though, as often happens in celebrity relationships, two unappealing halves made up one perfect whole – K-Stew and R-Pattz.
In a world where you're no-one unless your name has been shortened to something annoying and non-sensical, these two crazy kids forged a "secret" relationship based on love, vampires and a multi-million dollar franchise.
Last month the gossip world was shaken to its bitchy core when photos emerged of Kristen with ANOTHER MAN WHO WAS NOT R-PATTZ.
Just as most of us were practicising deep breathing and telling ourselves the images had been Photoshopped, K-Stew came out and apologised for her "momentary indiscretion" and begged forgiveness from her (kinda) one and only, "Rob. I love him. I love him."
Since these quite frankly earth-shattering revelations, Hollywood has kept one eye on Kristen while the other has been frantically searching for heartbroken Rob who has gone into hiding, reportedly at former co-star Reese Witherspoon's Ojai ranch.
Notoriously private Rob has declined to comment on the (possible) end of the relationship he denied for four years, leaving the world's media to speculate on his emotional state.
But as always, these stars can't keep out of the limelight for too long. Rob's people confirmed last week that he will be honouring his upcoming publicity commitments for his new film Cosmopolis despite having his heart ripped out - which includes two major TV interviews this week.
US breakfast show Good Morning America thought they had the celebrity scoop of the century with Rob's first post-(possible)-break-up interview on Wednesday.
That was until Comedy Central's The Daily Show swooped in and snatched their exclusive out from under them, confirming that they will be chatting to Hollywood's hottest (possible) bachelor tonight.
While the rest of us wait with baited breath to see what will happen, gossip sites have gone into overdrive wondering just what Rob will be asked, what Rob will say, what Rob won't say, what he'll wear, what he's been eating for breakfast, what he thinks about the situation in Syria. Basically everything apart from Cosmopolis.
One of Perez Hilton's many sources has "confirmed" that his GMA interview will have no restrictions. That's right people, "EVERYTHING IS ON THE TABLE!!!" (Capitalisation and excessive use of exclamation marks courtesy of Perez).
Rob's people have chosen well. Daily Show host Jon Stewart has a razor-sharp wit and has absolutely no problem tearing celebrity culture a new one. Chances are he will happily talk about the movie and may slip in a little reference to the scandal but no doubt in a way that will leave Rob laughing rather than crying.
And I for one could do with a laugh, after all these bitter tears.
Do you think Robert should be made to talk about Kristen?
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